


Utterly Alone

by Crazzyqueerkid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, M/M, Music Festival, Mutual Pining, Physical Abuse, Sad Ending, So much angst, m/m - Freeform, sad gay boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:02:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazzyqueerkid/pseuds/Crazzyqueerkid
Summary: Soft sad boys looking for love and a lap dance.





	Utterly Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry this is sad, it’s not super long, they both deserve, better I love my soft, hurting gay boys.

“Oh come on Moons, it’ll be fun!”

Fun, that’s what Sirius had said, now here they were in the middle of some fucking feild in the middle of absolutely no where, people talking, music blaring. Standing infront of some grey-blue heap on the dew wet grass. The sky grey with impending rain and Remus was sulking.

“Do you have any idea in what the hell you’re doing Pads?  
“Nope!”

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It had been in the final week of their sixth year at Hogwarts when Sirius had overheard a Muggle born fifth year talking about the festival. They were in the Gryffindor common room, relaxing from the end of there exams when he hears it,

“Ya, mum and dad say that if I do good on my OWLs I can go to Paint!”  
“Whoa Paint, really?” The boy nodded at his friend eagerly.  
“The line up is insane this year, Bowie, Elton John,” the boy ticked the names off on his hand as he said it.  
“I’ve even heard people talking about Queen showing up.” The boy spoke to his friend in a hushed tone. If the mention of Bowie and John hadn’t pricked Sirius’ ears, the mention of Freddy Mercury most certainly did. 

“What d’ you say?” Sirius asked, leaning forward from the couch to the boys playing muggle cards in front of the fire. The boys looked at him,

“Paint, it’s this huge muggle music festival in Daresbury.”  
“When is it?” Sirius had asked, a spark lighting up in his eyes.  
“Umm, second weekend in July, think…” Sirius leaned back on the couch, looking at the rest of the Marauders and clapped his hands together.  
“Well lads, what you lot doin’ second weekend in July?”

Turned out Peters family were vacationing in Ibiza the month of July, but James and Remus were free. James was on board the moment the words left his friends lips. Remus on the other hand was slightly more apprehensive. 

“Pads I dunno, you know mum and dad…” ever since Remus was bitten his parents had always been very stricken about friends and his coming and goings. If it weren’t for Dumbledore showing up on his doorstep he likely wouldn’t have gone to school at all.

This was all true and Sirius knew it, that’s why Remus used it as his source of apprehension, but it wasn’t the full story. 

Remus had made quite the jarring discovery that he had began to fall for Sirius late in their fifth year. Sirius was hot good looking and he fucking knew it. Flouncing about the dormitory shirtless with nothing but a towel slung low on his prominent, narrow hips. It wasn’t until one day the boy had walked out of the bathroom looking like this, hair still wet, smelling of soap, green apples and with a hint of wet dog. Then as he locked eys with Remus had fucking wincked at him, that Remuse noticed something was up, quite litterly.

Remus had known he wasn’t like the rest, he had never truly felt the “lovesick” teenage romance, he could see how someone may be attractive but simply never felt it himself. Never, until Sirius. Every girl and half the boys in hogwarts fawned over him, stopping to stare as the Rebellious Black son walked past. Remus still couldn't wrap his head around why Sirius wanted to be friends with him, appearing quite, in his oversize jumpers, constellations of freckles painting his face, his immeasurable height and his scars. God don't get him started on his scars. He was constantly curled up in a squashy arm chair with a mug of tea or hot chocolate and some sort of book. 

Even the idea of going to a music festival, in the summer heat, with an overly excited and likely tipsy Sirius gave him goosebumps. Sleeping in a tent with Sirius snuggled up beside him, quiet and vulnerable, two things he almost never was when awake, made the blood rush to Remus’ checks, well most of it to his checks.

“Your Mum and Dad have to let you fly away from the nest at some point young Moony, why not do it with you best mates?”  
“Yea c’mon Moons it’ll be fun,” James had now chimed in.  
“Anyways how many more opportunities are we going to have to do this in the future, huh? I’m gunna woo Evans,” all three of them snorted at this.  
“Pads may very well be dead by next year’” Siruis shot Remus finger guns and a wink from his spot stretched out on the couch at this.  
“Peter will have O.D. on raw cookie dough,”  
“I agree with this statement” Peter chimed in without looking up from his parchment.  
“And you, fuck me you Moons, you’ll be goin’ out with some gorgeous babe, propbly get all Es on your NEWTs and will be known as some super smart bloke with a potion to cure Werewolf-ism named after him.” James concluded.  
“So?” the werewolf asked quizzically.  
“So,” Siruis started, “come with us,” his voice changing from playful to serious, quieter.  
“Come with us and have the time of your bloody life at a muggle festival this summer.”  
“And take care of you?”  
“And take care of me when I get too shit faced to talk.” Sirius agreed with a smirk. Remus’ sighed deeply, he hated Sirius for how good he was at that.  
“I hate you”  
“MOONEYS IN!” The two boys cheered in unisons.  
“Oh Merlin,” Remus sighed once more, shaking his head.

“Oh come on Moons, it’ll be fun.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

A week before their departure James grandma got ill, worryingly ill. She had been admitted to St.Mungos about six months before by James’ mum. The Potters had received a letter informing them she had contracted Dragon Pox, and had insisted James stay to say goodbye.

“Look mate just go,” he had said to Sirius when he offered to stay.  
“You’ve been waiting for this for so long, don’t let my crotchety old grandma ruin your fun with Moons, kay?”  
“Ya, alright.”  
“How’s your mum?” James asked his tone becoming serious.  
“Oh, old mummy is just wonderful!” He spoke in a falsely cheery tone. Sirius’ home life was, well shit, say the very least. He had been born into a long line of pureblood wizards who seemed to believe the dark arts were the only type of magic worth practicing. Sirius was expected to be perfect at everything he did, and if he wasn’t, his parents would make sure he was. He had begrudgingly followed along with the dance lessons, party’s, piano playing and all of the other shit until he sat on the three legged stool and had the sorting hat placed on his head. It sat there for what felt like hours, whispering into his ears, murmuring truths he had long since buried in the deepest parts of his head. It was then the hat had announced to the entirety of the great hall,

“GRYFFINDOR!” The hat was lifted from his shoulders and the sudden uproar from the first table on the left defend him. He had walked without realizing he was moving, to deep in his own thoughts to pay attention. Until,  
“Potter, James” was called. His head snapped up as he heard the name of the messy haired, bespectacled boy who sat with him on the train here. The hat sat on his head for far shorter of a time then it did with Sirius, only to bellow out  
“GRYFFINDOR!” in the same voice it had with Sirius. James had been certain that he would end up in Gryffindor, just as certain as Sirius had been he would end up in Slytherin. 

“Well, I guess you were wrong.” James had said as he sat down.  
“My mums gunna kill me.” He had whimpered his head down,  
“I’m sure it’ll be alright” James reached out and put his hand on Sirius shoulder.  
“No it won’t.” He had whispered  
“Alright, well your just gunna have t’ get into there common room.” James said simply

That night he, James and a kid named Peter snuck out and attemepted to find the Slytherin common room. They spent hours working until the sky turned from dark to milky pink, never finding the common room. 

“Sorry mate, I think we’ll just have to wait until tomorrow, maybe follow a Slytherin down”  
“No,” Sirius cut him off.  
“I don’t wanna, if being a Gryffindor means more,” he motioned around how with his hands. “like this, I don’t wanna be a Slytherin, I’m done pleasing my family.” And that was that.

His parents had be furious. When he went home that summer it was the first time he received a scar at the hands of his Mother. 

Since then he started smoking, growing his hair out, listening to muggle music, became an animargias and so much more. He decided he wanted to be nothing like his parents, wanted to be good. That’s why this summer he had plans to leave, run from his home, the only reason he hadn’t already was his brother, but now that he had seen his brothers true colours, he didn’t care anymore.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

So it was just Padfoot and Moony. Alone for to days, in the heat, with rock music and muggles. 

“OI, c’mon Moony, you’re meant to be the smart one!”  
“Says the boy who passed ever OWL with no less then a O with out so much as cracking a spine” The sandy haired boy scoffed  
“BOOK smart, your logical moons, now stop sulking and come and help a crippled.”  
“Pads…”  
“It’s no fun if you can’t joke about it” 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Sirius had shown up at Remus’ house as he tipicly would, black leather jacket, cigarette dangling from his lips. As Remus opened the door he had quite literally choked.

“Hey P-Pads” was all he was able to sputter out.  
“Hello yourself young Moony, ready?”  
“Yea just a sec, wait are you wearing make-up?” It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Sirius to were eye liner or even lipstick but Sirius took pride in his “flawless” competition. So why was he wearing product on his skin?  
“Yea, just a bit” he said his hand jumping to rub the back of his neck.  
“May I ask why?”  
“No!” He answered far to quickly for Remus’ liking.  
“Alright, I won’t ask. Padfoot tell me why you’re wearing make-up.” Remus was now speaking in a voice he no longer recognized.  
“In the car, just, just grab your stuff alright.” He turned away from the door and lit his cigarette.

Remus came out carrying a small duffel bag. Remus came to look at Sirius, avoided his searching eyes, he exhaling a stream of smoke.

“Pads?” Remus asked cautiously.  
“Come on then, let’s go.”

He chucked his bag in the back and clambered into the front. 

“Pads…”  
“Fine, just don’t, don’t worry.” Sirius whipped a small portion of the make-up off of the corner of his eye.

“Padfoot…” the skin under the make-up was dark, not Sirius’ normal gorgeous skin tone but purple.  
“What…” he trailed of.  
“Mum.”  
“Why’d she...  
“Found out bout’ this,” motioning around the car.  
“And?”  
“It’s not important.” Sirius spoke as he turned the ignition.  
“All that matters is that I’m not going back so I don’t want to keep talking bout’ her, let’s go get smashed, ya?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

They had managed to get the tent up, get their bags in and unpacked. 

Now they sat in the tent, Sirius applying eyeliner. He wore short jean shorts with fish net stockings lacing his legs, creeping up underneath. A white, practically transparent tank top covering very little of his muscled chest. A Levi’s logo sitting on his left peck. 

He looked like sex on legs.

“Now, Moony,”  
“Y-yea” he sputtered, flustered.  
“You can not go to a Queen concert, stand infront of Freddy FUCKING Mercury, and look like that.” He motioned to Remus, who was dressed in a tight fitting, plane grey t-shirt and black, ripped skinny jeans.  
“And why not” he asked defensive.  
“You don’t look,”  
“Hot?” Remus asked with a smirk.  
“No, Merlin no you look, you look gorgeous” Sirius’ cheeks flushed as he spoke.  
“No just, hmm, c’mer.” He pulled the taller boy from his seat on his sleeping bag over to him.  
“Close your eyes,” Sirius spoke softly. Remus did. The feeling of what he could only assume was an eyeliner pen, ran along his eyelid. Sirius’ hand came up, cupping his cheek and pulling the skin by the corner of his eye tight.  
“Pads” Remus sighed.  
“Shhh” the animargious quieted him. They stay there for what felt like hours, Sirius closer to Remus’ face then he’d ever been. He could’ve counted all of Remus’ freckles if he wanted. Could see every scar, the way they broke through his constellation of freckles like shooting stars. Wishing nothing more than to lean just slightly closer and capture Moons lips.

“There,” He pulled back, looking at his work.  
“Shit, Moons.” The coal eyeliner emphasising his amber eyes beautifully.  
“Lem’me see.” Sirius handed the werewolf his compact he had been using earlier. He stared at himself wide-eyed,  
“Thanks Pads, it looks, thanks.” He locked eyes with Sirius. They stayed their, staring at each other until Remus spoke up.  
“I guess we should go.”  
“Yea” the shorter boy breathed.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Sirius had lost him. He had absolutely no clue how he could have lost Remus, seeing as he was 6,4. They left the tent, making there way over to the main stage, grabbing drinks and glow sticks, dancing and laughing the entire way. Once they made their way to the crowd surrounding the stage, Remus placed Sirius on his shoulders and began wading his way through the crowd. About a third of the way in the music began and Sirius came down and began to dance. They stayed like that, it even seemed the Remus got lost in the music at one point. It all needed far to soon, the crowd parted and Sirius looked to his left, then his right, not finding Remus. The crowd was moving, the sound of muffled voices and out of tune singing making him dizzy, then again it may have been the booze he had drunk, making the world tip on it axis. 

“MOONY!” He called out. No response. Someone bumped his shoulder and it seemed the sky had come through on it’s threat of impending rain. The crowd began to move faster, girls squeeling and feet smattering the muddy ground.

Sirius began to move with the crowd, looking back and forth for the tall boy with sandy soft curls and prominent amber eyes. 

“Moony?” He couldn’t loose him too,  
“Moony!” tears began to rimming his eyes as he swiveled back and forth,  
“Moony! Moony, please. Moony!” The rain now coming in icy sheets, the people were thining, he stood there, the boy who lost everything. He was dizzy and utterly alone. He dropped to his knees, mud spattering around him as he wept. His tears mixing with rain and sweat, beating its way down his face.  
Utterly Alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking through that, not my typical soft fluff of happy ending, it was going to be but I like how it ended. 
> 
> May add a second chapter with alternate happy ending. Let me know if you would like that...


End file.
